NoNumb Whitepaper: The ROOT Framework
The whitepaper

NoNumb

A framework for taking apart behavioral addictions. Every one runs on the same loop, and most people carry more than one. ROOT works on that loop in four stages: Remember, Optimize, Override and Track.

By Jamie Fitzjohn · Free to use, adapt and pass on

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The ROOT framework: Remember at the top, Optimize bottom left, Override bottom right, and Track in the center connected to each Remember 1 · IDENTITY Optimize 2 · LIFESTYLE Override 3 · TRIGGERS Track 4 · REVIEW
01

The origin

My name is Jamie Fitzjohn. I spent more than twenty years inside the pattern this paper describes, and it was never one addiction but a series of them, overlapping and swapping places: caffeine and sugar, social media, pornography and many things in between. For the last five of those years I fought it seriously, and for most of that time I was losing badly.

Twenty years, four stages
20+years inside the pattern
5years fighting it seriously
4stages in the method that finally worked

Blockers, suppression, rules, willpower, you name it. I lost count of how many times I started again. I was stressed to the point where stress felt normal, deeply lonely, and genuinely convinced I was worthless.

Along the way I read clinical case study after case study, and explored ancient philosophy, including Hermeticism and alchemy, centuries-old traditions about inner change. Without realizing it, I was building ROOT: identity first, then lifestyle, then triggers, and finally a weekly review. That last step was the one I had always skipped, and the one that turned scattered effort into progress that built on itself.

Today I’m a mentor, and I travel the world helping people break free from the addictions described here. ROOT brings together the research, twenty years inside this pattern, and the years since spent working through it with other people. It is written for anyone whose behavioral addictions have gotten out of control, and particularly for those carrying several at once.

What this paper covers

NoNumb covers behavioral addictions. It doesn’t cover alcohol, nicotine or drugs, where withdrawal can be medically dangerous and needs medical supervision. If you are in crisis or having thoughts of harming yourself, the crisis resources at the end of this paper list where to get help now.

NoNumb: The Addiction Recovery Workbook
The book

NoNumb: The Addiction Recovery Workbook

Every principle in this paper, step by step, with real examples and over 70 pages of worksheets and trackers.

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02

The problem

What behavioral addiction actually is

A behavioral addiction is an ordinary activity repeated until it stops being a choice. No substance is involved, yet the pattern behaves like one: the same reward circuitry, the same rising tolerance, the same restlessness when the behavior is withheld. Gambling disorder has been in the DSM-5 since 2013, and the World Health Organization added gaming disorder to the ICD-11 in 2019. [1][3]

Underneath, the shape is always the same loop. A trigger arrives, an urge follows, the behavior delivers relief, and the guilt that follows becomes the next trigger. Phones, food, gambling, pornography and work all run that loop with different content, which is why so few people have only one. While the loop stays intact, removing a single outlet tends to move the behavior rather than end it.

The behaviors NoNumb covers

16 behaviors · 1 loop
  • Pornography
  • Masturbation
  • Sex
  • Love and Relationships
  • Gambling
  • Sports Betting
  • Gaming
  • Social Media
  • Smartphone
  • Internet
  • Artificial Intelligence
  • Binge-Watching
  • Shopping
  • Food
  • Exercise
  • Work

Where current approaches fall short

Most of what is available intervenes at the last possible moment. Blockers, filters, content locks and device limits all sit at the point of use, the hardest point to hold and the easiest to undo. A barrier you installed can usually be removed in under a minute, and every bypass rehearses the response rather than weakening it. External control also teaches nothing, so when the block goes, the protection goes with it.

Where each approach steps in
NoNumb works here
  1. Identity
  2. Lifestyle
  3. Trigger
  4. Urge
  5. Use
Blockers, filters and locks act here
The point of use is the hardest point to hold and the easiest to undo.

The second gap is suppression in place of retraining. Willpower asks people to hold an urge down without giving the brain anything else to do with the trigger, so the urge returns, stronger. Streak counters make it worse by turning a single slip into total failure, which is exactly the mindset that turns one slip into a relapse. And almost everything on offer is built for one behavior at a time, which leaves anyone carrying several with no obvious place to start. [4][6]

The abstinence violation effect
Days of real change
47
Slip
One slip sends a streak counter straight back to zero

What it is costing us today

The scale is easy to underestimate, because the harm is spread across categories that are rarely counted together. A 2022 meta-analysis put the overall prevalence of behavioral addiction at around 11 percent. [7]

~11%

overall prevalence of behavioral addiction

94studies
237,657people
40countries

Alimoradi et al. (2022), reference 7.

Gaming sits lower across the general population, at about 5 percent, but a separate 2022 review of 155 studies put gaming disorder at nearly 10 percent among adolescents and young adults. [9]

At the severe end, problem gambling carries suicide rates several times higher than the general population, and gambling has been implicated in an estimated 4 to 11 percent of suicides in the UK. [8][10] Exposure is starting earlier too: in one recent US state survey, around one in four high school students had gambled in the past year. [13] Behind those figures sits the everyday cost that never reaches a clinic: lost hours, lost sleep, thinner relationships and work carried on four hours of rest.

At the severe end
15×
Suicide rate among 2,099 people treated for gambling disorder in Sweden, against the general population
4–11%
of all UK suicides estimated to be gambling-related, around 250 to 650 a year
1 in 4
high school students had gambled in the past year (Connecticut, 2019)
References 8, 10 and 13

Where we are headed

Every structural incentive points the same way. Feeds are optimized for engagement rather than wellbeing, infinite scroll removes the natural stopping points that used to end a session, and the variable rewards that make a slot machine hard to walk away from are now standard in mainstream apps. Average smartphone use sits at its highest recorded level, and the business models depend on it continuing to rise. [14]

Time online, every day
4h 30mUK adults
6h 20m18- to 24-year-olds
Ofcom, Online Nation 2025 (reference 14). Each bar is a full 24-hour day.

The next few years add two accelerants: personalization and speed. AI-tuned feeds fit each person ever more closely, and gambling has already shown where speed leads, with live in-play betting linked to higher problem severity than bets placed before an event. [15] The reasonable expectation is not one new addiction but several, arriving earlier in life and overlapping more often. That is the case for working on the mechanism they share, which is what the rest of this paper sets out.

03

The NoNumb system

NoNumb rests on one premise: recovery involves an overwhelming number of variables, but lasting change comes down to four components. Together they form ROOT, Remember, Optimize, Override and Track, and each is built on its own set of core principles.

The short version
Remember (identity)
Optimize (lifestyle)
Override (triggers)
Track (weekly review)
  • Data Tracking: log every episode with the time, place, reason and feeling.
  • Weekly Review: same slot every week, with one change chosen for the week ahead.
  • Long-Term Vision: define the life you’re moving toward and test decisions against it.
04

ROOT: Remember, Optimize, Override, Track

Each principle below follows the same shape: the principle itself, why it matters, how it works in practice, what to expect, and the questions that most often come up.

R
Stage 1 · Identity

Remember

Remember covers how you see yourself and your deeper mind.

Principle

True Identity

You aren’t your addiction.

Put simply, it’s something you do, not something you are, and your true self exists beyond it. When you label yourself as an addict, you reinforce the very pattern you’re trying to change, making it feel permanent rather than something that can be unlearned. People tend to act in line with how they see themselves. A 2010 review by Rise, Sheeran and Hukkelberg, pooling 40 tests and more than 11,000 people, found that self-identity predicts what people go on to do. In psychology, your sense of who you are is shaped by many things, from the stories you tell yourself to the people you spend your time with, and one of the most powerful is the language you use about yourself. Every time you call yourself an addict, you strengthen that identity a little more, and your behavior tends to follow. [16]

Identity fasting, an example
The label you useRewritten as a behavior
Gambling addictGambled 3 nights this week
Porn addict, disgustingPorn when stressed
Weak, no willpowerScrolled 4+ hours on bad days
From the filled-in weekly review in the NoNumb workbook.
In practice

The practice here is called identity fasting (stripping out the labels that aren’t actually you), a term I created during my darker days. In practice, you write down the labels you use for yourself, rewrite each one so it describes a behavior rather than an identity, and list 3 qualities that describe you outside the behavior. Those 3 qualities are read each morning, and the exercise is repeated in the weekly review.

For example, “I’m a porn addict” becomes “I watch porn late at night when I feel lonely,” and your 3 qualities might be loyal, funny and hard-working.

What to expect
  1. FirstThe old label will still feel truer than the new description.
  2. ThenShame tends to ease, and with it, the pressure that drives the behavior.
  3. Over timeThe new view strengthens the more you practice it, and you catch yourself describing the behavior rather than yourself, although old identity thoughts still surface under stress.
Frequently asked questions
Isn’t this just denial?

Denial means pretending the behavior isn’t there, and this is the opposite. You still take full responsibility for what you do and keep working to change it. The only difference is that you stop letting the behavior decide who you are.

What about groups where people introduce themselves as an addict?

It is understandable why they do this, but NoNumb takes a different approach. We tend to grow into whatever we believe about ourselves, good or bad, so here we describe what you do rather than who you are. Seeing it as a behavior you’re changing, rather than a label you carry, helps keep the door to change open.

If I slip, doesn’t that prove I’m an addict?

A slip is something you did on one day, not proof of who you are. What matters far more is what you do next, and every time you get back on track you’re showing yourself the opposite.

Principle

Inner Healing

The emotional pain underneath, including guilt and shame, must be faced and processed so it no longer drives the cycle.

For many of us, addictive behavior isn’t really about the activity itself, but about numbing feelings that keep resurfacing until they’re addressed. It’s worth exploring whether that’s true for you. The guilt and shame that follow each episode then feed the next round, which is what keeps the loop self-sustaining. In a 2013 study by Randles and Tracy of 105 people in early recovery, those who showed more shame were more likely to relapse, while guilt didn’t predict relapse at all. [17]

The inner mirror
  1. The urge or slip
  2. The feeling just before it
  3. What you needed
  4. One healthy way to meet it
In practice

The process here is what I call the inner mirror (turning to look at what the behavior is covering, and dealing with it rather than numbing it). In practice, each urge or slip is traced back to the feeling that came just before it, the feeling is named as specifically as possible and sat with rather than acted on, and you identify what you actually needed in that moment along with one healthy way to meet it.

What to expect
  1. FirstYou may feel worse before you feel better, as numbed feelings begin to surface.
  2. ThenWhat sits underneath the urges is often not what you expected to find.
  3. Over timeUrges ease as the feelings driving them are dealt with, and you can sit with a bad feeling for a few minutes without reaching for anything.
Frequently asked questions
What if I don’t know what I’m feeling?

That’s really common, especially if you’ve spent a long time numbing your feelings. You can start with simple words such as sad, angry, scared or stressed, and see which one fits best. If words don’t come easily, try noticing where you feel it in your body, because that is often the first clue.

What if nothing bad has ever happened to me?

Pain doesn’t have to be dramatic to matter. Everyday things like stress, loneliness, boredom or low self-worth can drive the cycle just as easily, and gently looking at those quieter feelings is often where the real work begins.

Do I need therapy for this?

Not always, and many people make real progress working through this on their own. If you’re carrying trauma, or the feelings that come up start to feel overwhelming, a professional can make the work much safer.

Principle

Inner Acceptance

Hating the addiction only gives it more power.

That’s because resentment keeps the addiction at the center of your attention, whereas neutrality lets it fade out of your thinking. Hating the addiction, or yourself for having it, adds shame, and shame feeds the cycle it came from. Treated as an enemy, it stays the main character in your life, whereas, treated as a pattern you’re taking apart, it starts to lose its grip. Hatred also keeps it permanently in mind, because anything you’re fighting has to be thought about in order to be fought, and that constant attention is itself a form of power you hand it.

Two ways to hold it
Treated as an enemy
It stays the main character in your life
Treated as a pattern you’re taking apart
It starts to lose its grip
In practice

Day to day, you notice the hate when it shows up, in the self-talk after a slip or the low-level resentment on an ordinary day, and name it rather than acting on it. You then go back to treating the addiction as a pattern you’re dismantling rather than an opponent you’re at war with. When you catch yourself going over everything the addiction has cost you, try writing it down instead of replaying it in your head. Note what you resent, acknowledge that the damage was real, and finish with a line saying that you are choosing to set it down. The aim isn’t to pretend it didn’t matter, but to stop giving it a permanent place in your thoughts. Afterward, turn that energy toward something you’re building, however small, so your attention lands on your life rather than on the loop.

What to expect
  1. FirstResentment will surface, particularly on bad days and straight after a slip.
  2. ThenLetting go of the fight feels like doing nothing, although it’s what stops feeding the pattern.
  3. Over timeThe addiction takes up less of your thinking, which is the clearest sign it’s losing power. Whole evenings pass without it crossing your mind, and your head feels clearer for it.
Frequently asked questions
Isn’t acceptance just giving in?

Acceptance simply means you acknowledge that the pattern exists and stop fighting it in your head. You aren’t accepting the behavior itself, and you carry on gently taking it apart.

Doesn’t hating it keep me motivated?

For a while hatred can feel like a powerful push, but it’s fuel that soon runs out, and while it lasts it keeps the addiction in your thoughts all day. Moving toward the life you want gives you a steadier kind of motivation, one that grows rather than burns out.

How can I stay calm when I hate what the addiction has done to my life?

It’s completely understandable to feel that way, and the damage it has caused is real. Holding on to the anger, though, keeps the addiction at the front of your mind and feeds the very cycle you’re trying to leave. Acknowledge what it has cost you, and then, when you’re ready, let the anger go so it no longer has a hold on you.

Principle

Universal Mechanism

All behavioral addictions share the same core; thus, the principles that work for one apply to the others.

In other words, whether it involves screens, gambling, food, or anything else, the dopamine cycle, trigger patterns, and recovery process follow the same structure. Understanding this means you never start from scratch with a new behavior, and it helps you spot when one addiction is quietly being replaced by another. Underneath all of it sits the brain’s dopamine system, which drives how much we want a reward rather than how much we enjoy it, which is why addiction turns up the wanting without turning up the liking, as the neuroscientists Kent Berridge and Terry Robinson have shown. [2][18]

Different behaviors, one mechanism
PornographyGamblingGamingSocial mediaShoppingFoodWorkAnything else
The same structure
The dopamine cycle
Trigger patterns
Recovery process
In practice

To start, you map the loop behind your main behavior (what triggers it, how the urge feels, what you do and what you get from it), then repeat the map for any other addictive behaviors and compare them side by side. The shared elements are what let you recognize a loop starting, including when one behavior begins to replace another.

For example, one person’s first map might read: tired after work, a restless itch to switch off, two hours of scrolling, a few minutes of not having to think. Their second map, for late-night snacking, starts with the same tiredness, which shows that both behaviors are running on one loop.

What to expect
  1. FirstYou’ll recognize how much your behaviors have in common.
  2. ThenYou’ll notice when one behavior starts to replace another.
  3. Over timeUnderstanding the mechanism tends to bring a greater sense of control, and patterns become easier to spot.
Frequently asked questions
Isn’t my addiction different from everyone else’s?

The details differ from person to person, whether that’s gambling, food, shopping, screens or something else. Underneath, though, the structure is the same, which is why the same principles can help.

Why do I keep swapping one thing for another?

When one behavior is removed, the loop and the need behind it are often still in place, so it simply finds a new outlet. That’s why NoNumb focuses on the need underneath, rather than only on the behavior on the surface.

Does this apply to drugs and alcohol?

This framework is designed for behavioral addictions, although many of the ideas carry over. Substances also create physical dependence, and stopping some of them suddenly can be dangerous. If drugs or alcohol are part of your picture, it’s best to speak to a doctor.

O
Stage 2 · Lifestyle

Optimize

Optimize covers your lifestyle and the daily plan around you.

Principle

New Foundations

Build new foundations into your life before removing old behaviors.

It is best to add replacement joys first, such as books, exercise, meaningful relationships, and social connection, so there’s something to step into rather than a void. Whatever you add has to be simple, enjoyable and low effort, because anything that feels like hard work gets dropped in exactly the weeks it’s needed most. Removing a behavior without a replacement creates an emotional vacuum that the brain will inevitably try to fill with another compulsive pattern. A 2026 review of substance-free activity research found that easy access to enjoyable alternatives reduces use. [11]

Replacement joys first
  1. Add replacement joysSimple, enjoyable, low effort
  2. Make them a steady part of the week
  3. Only then begin removal
In practice

First, write down what the behavior gives you, list 2 or 3 healthy activities that offer something similar for each one, choosing things you would look forward to rather than have to force, such as a daily walk, taking up chess, or reading for 20 minutes before bed. Then schedule them into the week before cutting anything. At least one should involve other people, and removal only begins once the replacements are a steady part of the week.

What to expect
  1. FirstNew activities will feel less exciting than the old behavior at first.
  2. ThenKeeping them going takes deliberate effort in the early weeks.
  3. Over timeYou enjoy them more as your reward system adjusts, your weekends fill with things you actually look forward to, and removing the old behavior then feels less like a loss.
Frequently asked questions
Won’t this delay quitting?

It may slow things down a little in the short term, but building the replacements first makes it far more likely that quitting will last. If the behavior is causing serious harm right now, get support and build the replacements alongside cutting back rather than waiting.

What if nothing feels as good as the addiction?

That’s very normal at first, so try not to be discouraged. Your reward system is used to much bigger hits and simply needs time to adjust. This is why it helps to start with low-effort, passive and enjoyable replacements, and to give them a few weeks before judging them.

When do I start removing the behavior?

The right time is once the new activities have become a steady part of your week. You’ll usually notice that they happen without much effort and that you look forward to them. At that point there’s something solid in place to fill the gap, and removing the behavior becomes much easier.

Principle

Avoidable Exposure

Identify whether each addictive behavior is avoidable or unavoidable within the context of your work and responsibilities.

To put it simply, an avoidable behavior is one you could take out of your life completely, even if doing so were inconvenient, and it should be removed entirely. An unavoidable one can’t be taken out, because your work or responsibilities genuinely require it (for example, a content creator whose work depends on social media), so it gets strict boundaries around when, how, and for how long you engage with it instead. Without this distinction, you risk trying to eliminate something your life depends on and failing, or holding on to something you could have let go of completely.

Before you decide, work out what the addiction really is. Pornography and masturbation are a good example: the two are so closely linked that it can feel impossible to do one without the other, but for most people the addiction is to watching the videos, not to the act itself. If you are genuinely addicted to both, both need attention, but usually the aim is to retrain yourself so the healthy expression can stay while the addictive behavior goes. In my experience working with people, bottling up sexual energy without a healthy expression leads to relapse, and the point of NoNumb is to retrain, not to suppress. [19]

One question
Could this be taken out of my life entirely, even if that were inconvenient?
YesAvoidable
Removed entirely
NoUnavoidable
Strict, written boundaries around when, how, and for how long
In practice

To begin, each behavior is tested against one question: could this be taken out of my life entirely, even if that were inconvenient? Anything avoidable is scheduled for removal once your new foundations are steady, in the order set out in Sequential Removal, and anything unavoidable gets written limits on when, how and for how long, reviewed weekly and tightened wherever they aren’t holding.

For example, a betting app is avoidable, so it goes. A phone you need for work is unavoidable, so it gets written limits instead, such as no social media before 9am, never in bed, and no more than 30 minutes of it in the evening.

What to expect
  1. FirstYou’ll be tempted to call things unavoidable when they’re not.
  2. ThenLimits are hard to hold to at first, and most need adjusting a few times before they work.
  3. Over timeThere’s real relief in no longer having to decide how much is acceptable every day. You notice money left at the end of the month, or whole evenings you didn’t lose to a screen.
Frequently asked questions
How do I know whether something is genuinely unavoidable?

Ask whether it could be removed from your life at all, not whether removing it would be difficult. Many things feel unavoidable simply because they are convenient or familiar, so be gentle but honest with yourself as you decide.

What if my job requires it all day?

It helps to separate work use from personal use, so the work side has clear limits and stays focused on the job. The personal side may well turn out to be avoidable, which can make a big difference.

Should I stop everything for a while first?

For most people, stopping everything at once isn’t necessary. It’s much better to understand your behaviors and work out what needs to change first. However, if two behaviors (such as pornography and masturbation) are closely linked and difficult to separate, taking a short break of a few days to a week can help you gain some breathing space.

Principle

Daily Structure

Build a daily structure, because addiction erodes the one you have.

The reason is simple: a dysregulated body and chaotic environment lower your threshold for giving in, making every urge harder to navigate than it needs to be. Researchers Larimer, Palmer and Marlatt describe this kind of lifestyle imbalance as a hidden forerunner of relapse. Structure covers when things happen, not only whether they happen. Splitting the day into 4 phases (morning, day, evening and night) and giving each one its times, actions and a single intention removes the running decisions that drain willpower, so you aren’t deciding what to do next at the moments when your capacity to decide well is lowest. That mapped-out day is your default plan: the version of your life you return to by default, and the thing you adjust whenever something goes wrong. [5]

Your default plan
MorningTimes
Actions
A single intention
DayTimes
Actions
A single intention
EveningTimes
Actions
A single intention
NightTimes
Actions
A single intention
Most of the day runs on autopilot
of daily behavior is repeated automatically in a consistent context, rather than consciously chosen
Wood, Good Habits, Bad Habits (2019)
In practice

To build your default plan, map each phase of the day with its times, specific actions and one intention, adding extra detail to the phase where urges usually hit. A simpler backup version covers bad days. Both are kept somewhere visible, and the plan is adjusted in the weekly review.

For example, a morning might be 7am, a glass of water and a 10-minute walk before checking the phone, with the intention to start the day calmly. The evening, where the urges usually hit, gets more detail: dinner at 7pm, the phone charging in the kitchen by 9pm, and 20 minutes of reading in bed.

What to expect
  1. FirstStructure feels boring or restrictive at first.
  2. ThenEnergy and mood usually improve within a few weeks, and urges become more manageable.
  3. Over timeEvenings feel calmer, and many people fall asleep sooner once a screen isn’t the last thing they see. You’ll also notice that slips in the routine tend to come before slips in the behavior.
Frequently asked questions
What if my hours are irregular?

Start by anchoring whatever you can control, such as how long you sleep, regular meals and a wind-down routine. Even a few steady points in your day can make a real difference.

What’s an intention?

An intention is a short statement of how you want to be during that part of your day. It might be something like staying present, resting properly or being patient with yourself. It gently reminds you what each part of the day is for, so it’s easier to stay on course.

Can I change the plan?

Yes, and your plan can change as your life does. The best time to make changes is during your weekly review, when you can think clearly. Try not to change it because an urge is pulling you, as that is usually the loop talking rather than you.

Principle

Lifestyle Priority

Prioritize lifestyle above work, business, and all other commitments.

It may feel backward at first, but recovery depends on this order. A successful career built on top of an unresolved addiction is inherently unstable, and the stress of maintaining it often becomes the very trigger that sustains the cycle. The Yale researcher Rajita Sinha found that stress raises both the risk of developing an addiction and the risk of relapse. If recovery sits second in the order, it’s the thing that gets dropped as soon as life gets busy. [20]

Recovery basics go into the week first
MTWTFSS
Sleep
Meals
Rest
Movement
New foundations
Work and other commitments
Blocked in firstFitted around them
In practice

When you plan your week, recovery basics are blocked into the week first (sleep, meals, rest, movement, new foundations and the weekly review), and work and other commitments are fitted around them. The work situations that trigger you most are named and given rules of their own, and the weekly review checks whether work has started eating into recovery time.

What to expect
  1. FirstGuilt or worry about work is common at first.
  2. ThenYou may get slightly less done in the short term, but focus and energy improve over time.
  3. Over timeExpect some pushback from people who are used to you always being available, but you’ll have more energy once sleep, meals and movement are covered.
Frequently asked questions
What if I can’t afford to cut back on work?

Putting your lifestyle first doesn’t have to mean working less. It means protecting the basics, such as sleep, meals and rest, and then fitting work around them. Often you’ll find you work better once those foundations are in place.

Won’t my career suffer?

There may be a small adjustment in the short term, but over the long term a stable, healthy life tends to support better work. Many people find they become more focused and reliable once the basics are looked after.

Isn’t this selfish?

It’s understandable to feel that way, especially if you’re used to putting others first. Looking after your own foundations is actually what makes you more reliable for the people around you. When you’re steady, you have far more to give to everyone else over the long term.

Principle

Sequential Removal

Remove addictive behaviors one at a time.

This is the approach I recommend. To do this, first identify your primary trigger (stress, tiredness, etc.), rank your behaviors from most to least harmful under that trigger, and begin with the most damaging. The second on the list follows once the first has stabilized. Don’t rush to remove the next until the new lifestyle has absorbed the energy. Attempting to eliminate multiple behaviors simultaneously splits your focus and depletes the mental resources needed to retrain even one. In my experience, an addiction can be removed completely, but it works best one at a time. Take one, channel that energy into new boundaries and lifestyle changes, and only then move on to the next. In a two-year Dutch trial on lifestyle change led by Daniela Schulz, people who changed one habit after another were more likely to have quit smoking than those who tried to change everything at once. [21]

One at a time
  1. Identify your primary trigger
  2. Rank your behaviors, most harmful first
  3. Begin with the most harmful
  4. The second follows once the first has stabilized
In practice

Step by step, you identify the primary trigger, list every behavior you turn to when it hits, rank them from most to least harmful, and work on the top one only. You move to the next behavior once the first is stable and the new lifestyle has taken up the time and energy it used to fill.

What to expect
  1. FirstYou’ll want to fix everything at once.
  2. ThenOther behaviors may increase for a while as the first one goes.
  3. Over timeEach removal gets a little easier, and the time it takes is part of the process.
Frequently asked questions
How do I know the first one is stable?

Urges feel manageable, the behavior takes up little of your mental energy, and your new routine has filled the gap it left. When all three feel true for a while, it’s usually safe to move on to the next one.

Isn’t one at a time too slow?

It can feel slow at the start, but taking things one at a time gives each change a much better chance of holding. Over time, that steady progress takes you further than trying to change everything at once.

Should I ignore the others completely?

This isn’t a free pass for the others, so keep tracking them and avoid them where you reasonably can. Just don’t attempt a full removal yet, so your energy stays focused on the one you’re working on.

Principle

Lifestyle Metrics

Measure progress by lifestyle success, not day-count streaks.

The problem is that streaks create false metrics and fragile motivation. A single slip after months of genuine lifestyle transformation is fundamentally different from a slip within an unchanged life, yet a streak counter treats them identically, which is exactly the trap relapse researchers like Alan Marlatt have warned about. Measure the things that actually reflect recovery instead: sleep, energy, and stress levels, how consistently the daily structure holds, whether new activities and relationships are growing, and what your tracking data shows about triggers and frequency. A slip inside a life that has genuinely changed is a data point to learn from, whereas a slip inside an unchanged life signals that the underlying work hasn’t started. [5]

In practice

To start, you choose the areas you’ll measure, rate each from 1 to 10 during the weekly review with a short note on what has improved or dropped, and read the trends over weeks and months rather than individual days. Slips are logged as data alongside the scores rather than as a reset.

What to expect
  1. FirstYou may miss the simplicity of a day count at first.
  2. ThenThe picture you get of your progress is more honest, and slips feel less like total failure.
  3. Over timeYou can see progress even in difficult weeks.
Frequently asked questions
What’s wrong with counting days?

Counting days can feel motivating, but on its own it gives a false picture, because it ignores everything else that has changed for the better. One slip can send the count back to zero even when your life has genuinely improved.

What should I measure?

Start with the areas the addiction affected most, such as your relationships, your mood or your finances. Then add the basics, like sleep and routine, because they often show change first. Together, these give you a much fuller picture of how you’re really doing.

Doesn’t this make slips seem less serious?

Slips still matter, and they’re still worth learning from. Measuring your whole life simply means they’re seen in context, alongside all the progress you’ve made.

O
Stage 3 · Triggers

Override

Override covers what you do when a trigger, urge or slip arrives.

Principle

Neural Retraining

The goal isn’t to suppress urges, but to retrain the mind to respond differently, building new neural pathways over time.

Here’s why. Suppression only delays the urge, and suppressed thoughts tend to rebound afterward, while retraining teaches the brain a new default response that eventually becomes automatic. Every repetition strengthens the pathway behind it, so repeating a new response to the same trigger is what builds the replacement.

Speed matters here, which is what the 3-second rule is about. When the urge hits, you have a few seconds before the loop takes over, so act on your response straight away. If your mind keeps circling back, a short mental task can break the loop without arguing with the thought, such as naming a country for each letter of the alphabet. You may still feel the pull while you carry out your response, and that is fine. Feeling the pull without obeying it is what this framework calls tapas, the heat of the desire felt but not acted upon, and it is the opposite of both giving in and fighting it. [6][22]

When the urge hits
The 3-second rule
When the urge hits, you have a few seconds before the loop takes over.
Giving in
TapasThe heat of the desire, not acted upon
Fighting it
In practice

To begin, you take one common trigger, choose one specific response you can carry out immediately, and write it as a rule in the form: when this happens, I will do that. The same response is repeated and logged every time the trigger appears, until it feels natural and the next trigger can be addressed.

For example: when I feel the urge to scroll after work, I will put my phone in another room and make a cup of tea. Or: when I’m bored on a Sunday afternoon, I will text a friend or go for a 10-minute walk.

Link one cue to one response
Whenthis trigger appearsI willdo this instead
94independent tests
8,000+participants
d = 0.65a medium to large effect
Gollwitzer and Sheeran (2006), reference 22
What to expect
  1. FirstThe new response will feel forced at first.
  2. ThenExpect a strong pull back toward the old response early on.
  3. Over timeIt becomes easier with repetition, urges that used to last an hour start passing in minutes, and the days you fall back on the old response don’t wipe out your progress.
Frequently asked questions
How long until the new response feels automatic?

It varies quite a lot from person to person, so try not to compare yourself with anyone else. It’s best to think in weeks or months rather than days. Each time you repeat the new response, it becomes a little more natural, even if you can’t feel it yet.

What if I do the old behavior instead?

Simply log it as a slip and use the new response the next time the trigger appears. Every attempt still counts, and the progress you’ve made doesn’t disappear.

What’s wrong with simply resisting?

Resisting holds the urge back without giving your brain anything else to do, so the urge tends to build. Retraining gives your mind a new path to follow, which is why it lasts longer than willpower alone.

Principle

Slip Distinction

A slip is a single event, not a full relapse.

This distinction matters, because treating a single slip as total failure triggers an “I’ve already ruined it” mindset, which is often what turns a momentary slip into a genuine relapse. Relapse researchers call this the abstinence violation effect. The appropriate response is to log the slip, look honestly at what led to it, and return to your default plan the same day. Any change the plan needs is made at the weekly review. Speed and calm are what keep a slip small, because the longer the shame sits unaddressed, the more likely it is to turn into a genuine relapse. [5]

One slip, two roads
Treated as total failure
  1. Slip
  2. “I’ve already ruined it”
  3. Relapse
The abstinence violation effect
Treated as one event
  1. Slip
  2. Stop as soon as you notice
  3. Call it a slip, not a relapse
  4. One grounding action
  5. Log it
  6. Back to the plan the same day
In practice

When a slip happens, you stop as soon as you notice, state plainly that it’s a slip rather than a relapse, take one grounding action immediately, and log the time, place, feeling and what led up to it. The default plan is picked back up immediately, and any change it needs is made in the weekly review.

For example, you place a bet at 11pm after a stressful day. Instead of placing five more to win it back, you stop, say plainly that it’s a slip, step outside for a few slow breaths, write down what happened and what led up to it, and go to bed. The next morning starts with your normal default plan.

What to expect
  1. FirstA strong sense of what’s the point is common in the first hour.
  2. ThenGuilt or shame will surface, and neither has to be acted on.
  3. Over timeYou get back on track more quickly each time you use this, and each slip teaches you something useful.
Frequently asked questions
Doesn’t calling it a slip make it easy to excuse?

Calling it a slip doesn’t mean brushing it off, because you still own it and learn from it. It simply stops one moment from snowballing into something bigger.

When does a slip become a relapse?

A slip becomes a relapse when it stops being a one-off and you gradually fall back into the old pattern. Even then, it isn’t the end of the road. The Emergency Protocol shows you how to reset calmly and get back on track.

Do I have to start over?

Not at all. The progress and lifestyle changes you’ve made are still there, so you simply pick up from where you are and keep building.

Principle

Internal Control

Don’t rely on blockers.

Blockers are hugely popular, and it’s easy to see why, because they feel like a quick, solid fix. More often than not, though, they keep people busy and exhausted without changing anything underneath. An external barrier can usually be bypassed in minutes, and when it is, the brain hasn’t learned anything new.

A 2023 study by Håkansson and Komzia looked at gamblers who had self-excluded, which means they had officially banned themselves from gambling sites. Even with that block in place, about half of them still gambled, most often at online casinos. That can leave you back where you started, with the added frustration of having gotten around your own safeguards. Each time it happens, it quietly teaches you that your safeguards can be beaten, which makes the next one a little weaker. [4]

Self-exclusion on its own
of self-excluded gamblers had gambled despite their self-exclusion, most often at online casinos
Håkansson and Komzia (2023), reference 4
In practice

To start, you list the blockers and filters you rely on, identify which trigger or urge each one is covering, and build an internal response for that trigger, following Neural Retraining. Where the trigger is predictable, your default plan is adjusted so it comes up less often. The response is practiced until it holds on its own, and any external tool still in place is given a removal date and taken off once the response holds.

What to expect
  1. FirstYou’ll feel exposed without the safety net at first.
  2. ThenUrges have to be dealt with directly rather than blocked.
  3. Over timeConfidence grows each time you handle one yourself, and the changes then hold up even when no block is in place.
Frequently asked questions
Are blockers useless?

They can buy you a few days in an emergency, but as a long-term strategy they change very little underneath. Many people find themselves back where they started, having also learned that they can get around their own safeguards.

What if I need a block right now?

If you feel you need one right now, that’s okay. Most people find a blocker works best as short-term support rather than the main plan, so it helps to give it an end date. In the meantime, build your internal response underneath it, and once that response feels steady, you can take the block off.

How do I know my internal control is strong enough?

You’ll usually know because urges and unavoidable triggers start to feel manageable with your plan alone. You no longer feel the need to reach for a block to get through them. It tends to happen gradually, so be patient with yourself as it grows.

Principle

Emergency Protocol

Build an emergency plan that covers triggers, early warning signs, mindset shifts, urges, near misses, slips, relapses, and spirals, with a clear bounce-back protocol for each stage.

This matters because without a predetermined response for each level of escalation, you’re forced to make critical decisions in the exact moments when your capacity for clear thinking is at its lowest, and stress, as Rajita Sinha’s research shows, pushes hard toward relapse. Each stage needs its own response, because what defuses an urge won’t pull you out of a spiral, and the spiral is the loop at its strongest. Relapse after a long run of progress is the stage that needs the most care, because it usually brings a shame response out of proportion to the event, and that shame is often more destabilizing than the relapse itself. [20]

Each level of escalation
  1. 01Triggers
  2. 02Early warning signs
  3. 03Mindset shifts
  4. 04Urges
  5. 05Near misses
  6. 06Slips
  7. 07Relapses
  8. 08Spirals
One plan, with a clear bounce-back protocol for each stage.
In practice

Once it’s written, the protocol is kept on your phone and on paper, and read on good days so it’s familiar on bad ones. The relapse stage carries its own additions: a short statement to read first, a list of people to contact within 24 hours, and a deliberate return to your default plan before that plan is reviewed and adjusted once you’re steady.

For example, part of a plan might read: early warning sign, staying up past midnight, so put the phone on charge in another room. Urge, so name it and call a friend. Slip, so stop, log it and go straight back to the default plan. Spiral, so read your statement, message your 2 contacts, and focus on getting through the next hour rather than the whole week.

What to expect
  1. FirstIf a relapse happens, expect intense shame and a strong pull to hide it from people.
  2. ThenSeveral separate plans get confusing, so expect to keep everything in one master plan.
  3. Over timeYou’ll use it in hard moments because the thinking has already been done, and you’ll update it as you learn what works.
Frequently asked questions
Who should I share my emergency plan with?

Choose one or two people you trust and who are easy to reach, and give them a copy. They don’t need to fix anything. Their job is simply to answer, listen, and remind you of the first step written at the top of the plan.

What if I can’t think straight enough to use it?

Hard moments can make it difficult to think clearly, so it helps to put one simple first step at the top of your plan that works for any situation, such as calling a set person. Once you’ve taken that first step, the rest usually becomes easier to follow.

What if it’s a real crisis, or I’m thinking of hurting myself?

If you find yourself in this position, it is best to speak to a doctor. You can find the details in the crisis resources at the end of this paper.

T
Stage 4 · Weekly review

Track

Track covers the weekly review that keeps the whole system honest.

Principle

Data Tracking

Track what happens, every time, in one place.

To make this work, each entry records which behavior was involved, the reason behind it, the time, where you were, and the emotional state you were in. Patterns are almost impossible to see in the moment, but over time the data reveals your real triggers and gives you something concrete to act on instead of relying on memory or guesswork. A 2016 review by Harkin and colleagues of 138 studies found that monitoring progress helps people reach their goals, especially when it’s written down. [23]

Each entry records
WhenThe time
WhatWhich behavior
WhyThe reason behind it
WhereWhere you were
HowHow you felt
Monitoring progress works
138randomized studies
19,951participants
d = 0.40larger when progress is physically recorded
Harkin et al. (2016), reference 23
In practice

Day to day, a single log records date and time, which behavior, the reason, where you were and how you felt, filled in as soon after each episode as possible. The log is read in the weekly review, and any repeating patterns are written down. Each entry also notes the 24 hours before it, such as hours of sleep and extra caffeine.

What to expect
  1. FirstLogging feels tedious at first.
  2. ThenShame may make you reluctant to log slips, which are the entries that matter most.
  3. Over timeClear patterns appear after a few weeks, and you start spotting your triggers before they hit, not after.
Frequently asked questions
Do I need a special app?

Not at all. There are free printable logs at NoNumb.org. A simple notebook is fine too. What matters most is that it’s easy for you to use every day.

Should I track urges as well as use?

Yes, and it’s one of the most helpful things you can do. Tracking urges shows you the patterns before they turn into use. Over time, you’ll start to see when and why they tend to appear, which makes them much easier to prepare for.

What if seeing the data makes me feel worse?

Many people feel that way at first. Try to see the data as information rather than judgment, because it’s there to help you improve your system.

Principle

Weekly Review

Review the week, every week, at a fixed time.

Each week, the check-in covers the identity fasting exercise, the week’s data and patterns, an honest look at what worked and what didn’t, a rating sheet covering every area with space for comments, a check of your plans, and one main change for the week ahead. Recovery without regular structured review operates on guesswork, and small drift in routine or mindset goes unnoticed until it has already compounded into a significant setback. Regular check-ins are exactly what the Harkin review found makes monitoring work. [23]

The weekly review, in 6 parts
  1. The identity fasting exercise
  2. The week’s tracking data
  3. What worked and what didn’t
  4. Rate every area from 1 to 10
  5. Check your plans
  6. One main change for the week ahead
In practice

To make it stick, a fixed weekly slot covers the identity fasting exercise, the week’s tracking data, what worked and what didn’t, ratings for every area with a short comment each, and a check of the default plan, your limits and the emergency plan. One main change is chosen for the week ahead.

What to expect
  1. FirstThe review feels like a chore at first.
  2. ThenYou catch problems earlier than you used to.
  3. Over timeYou see progress you would otherwise miss, and it becomes a grounding part of your week.
Frequently asked questions
What if I miss a week?

That’s okay, and it happens to everyone from time to time. Just do it as soon as you can, and try not to skip the next one. What matters is getting back into the rhythm, not being perfect.

What if the week went badly?

That’s actually when the review matters most. Try to focus on the system rather than blaming yourself, and look gently at what could be adjusted. A hard week often teaches you more than an easy one.

Should I do it alone?

You can, and many people find it works well on their own. Going through it with someone you trust or a professional can also help, as they may notice things you miss. Choose whatever feels most comfortable and supportive for you.

Principle

Long-Term Vision

Define the life you’re moving toward.

Once it’s clear, that vision becomes the reference point every decision is measured against. What you’re moving toward is the great return (coming back to the person who was there before the addiction took over, rather than becoming someone new). Without a compelling destination, recovery becomes defined solely by what you’re moving away from, which loses its power over time. [24]

In practice

To begin, you write a detailed description of life 3 to 5 years out in the present tense, covering health, relationships, work, home, time and character, then pull out 3 to 5 key points to read each morning alongside your 3 qualities. Decisions are tested against whether they move you toward that life or away from it, and the vision is updated every few months.

For example: “I wake up rested at 7am. I’m fit enough to play football with my family, I have savings in the bank, and my evenings are spent with people I care about rather than on a screen.”

What to expect
  1. FirstIt’s hard to picture at first, particularly if life feels bad right now.
  2. ThenThe vision gets clearer the more you work on it, and decisions become simpler.
  3. Over timeThe motivation it produces lasts longer than simply wanting to stop, and small choices, like what to do with a free evening, start to feel easier.
Frequently asked questions
What if I can’t picture a future right now?

That’s completely understandable, especially when things feel heavy. Start small by thinking about how you’d like next month to look. If things feel hopeless, it is always best to talk to someone you trust, because you don’t have to carry that alone.

Does it need to be realistic?

It can be ambitious, and it’s good to let yourself dream a little. It just needs to feel possible to you, so that it inspires you rather than overwhelms you. You can always adjust it as you grow.

How does this link to daily life?

Your vision gently guides the choices you make each day. Use it to shape your default plan and to test decisions against, asking whether something moves you toward the life you want. Over time, those small choices add up to the future you’re building.

05

Before you start

You’ve been handed a lot by now, so here are the 8 things worth keeping in your pocket.

  1. Give every action a time and a place. “Read for 10 minutes at 9pm in the chair by the window” holds, where “read in the evening” fails.
  2. Make it small and easy. A replacement that takes real effort gets dropped in the week you need it most. If it keeps failing, make it smaller.
  3. Keep it visible. Your default plan and log belong where you’ll actually see them, like the fridge, not buried in an app.
  4. One emergency plan that covers all. If you can’t follow it in a bad moment, it’s too complicated.
  5. After a slip, don’t try harder. Find the gap in the system and fix it.
  6. Always come back to the system. Every slip, bad day or week that falls apart is a reason to check your default plan, your triggers and your log, then carry on.
  7. Feeling trapped is normal. It’s a symptom of the pattern, and it tells you nothing about whether you can change.
  8. It’s not your fault, and it’s not permanent. This is the one to carry closest.
06

Doubts, laid out

Any approach worth trusting should be able to face its critics. Some of these doubts come from professionals, and some may be quiet objections you’ve been carrying yourself. So let’s take them one at a time.

Is behavioral addiction even real?

It’s a fair question, because many people still don’t see scrolling, coffee or pornography as an addiction. However, for many of us, it becomes something that has gotten out of hand. Whether it is officially called an addiction or not is irrelevant. If it is causing pain in your life, it needs to be treated as something serious.

What if my eating or exercise feels out of control?

If your eating or exercise involves restricting, purging, bingeing or punishing yourself with exercise, please speak to a doctor or an eating disorder service first. Eating disorders are serious medical conditions that need specialist care, and NoNumb should be used alongside that support, never instead of it.

How long does the NoNumb process take to work?

There’s no fixed timeline. When the process is followed, it can start working straight away, and many people feel a difference within the first few days. But addiction is a bit like a boat with a small leak. Everything can seem fine, then water slowly finds its way in, and before you know it you’ve slipped or relapsed. So how long it takes really depends on the structure you build around yourself.

If something keeps going wrong, don’t reach for more willpower. Go back to the system and look for the leak. It will almost always be in one of the main areas: your identity (Remember), the structure of your life (Optimize), or your triggers and how you’ve been responding to them (Override). Find the leak, fix it, and carry on.

Can I ever engage in this in moderation again?

This is a great question. When I first found myself wondering whether I could ever safely moderate my behavior, I had to look deep within and consider an uncomfortable possibility: was it really me asking the question, or was it the addiction looking for a way back in? The reality is that once a behavior has become deeply ingrained, attempting to moderate it can be incredibly difficult. Old habits, familiar triggers and the neural pathways associated with the behavior can remain, even after you’ve made significant progress.

In my experience, trying to moderate even the smallest impulses often led to a gradual escalation. I might convince myself that one small indulgence would be harmless, only to find myself weeks later caught in the same destructive loop I’d fought so hard to escape. Of course, everyone’s circumstances are different. The nature of the behavior, the severity of the problem and the changes you’ve made in your life all matter. But if you’ve repeatedly tried to moderate a behavior only to find yourself slipping back into old patterns, it may be worth asking whether moderation is genuinely serving you. Sometimes, the freedom you’re looking for doesn’t come from learning to control the behavior, but from no longer needing to engage in it at all.

Do I have to quit everything involved in this cycle?

The core goal of NoNumb is to help you stop using overstimulating experiences or harmful behaviors to escape uncomfortable feelings, especially when they begin to negatively affect your lifestyle. The challenge is that many of these behaviors are closely connected and can reinforce one another. For example, consuming large amounts of sugar might leave you craving further stimulation later in the day. Similarly, spending hours doomscrolling can leave you feeling drained, restless or emotionally empty, making you more likely to turn to other impulsive behaviors. This is how one can feed into another, keeping the cycle going.

Does this mean you have to give everything up? Not necessarily. However, within the NoNumb framework, leaving one behavior unchecked can make it easier to fall back into old patterns, particularly if it triggers the same urges you’re trying to move away from. The key is to establish clear personal boundaries and guidelines for yourself.

Can I go cold turkey if all of my behaviors feel equally harmful?

Going cold turkey can work for some people, particularly when they have a strong emotional reason to change or the right support and structure in place to help them reshape their lifestyle. As I’ve mentioned on previous podcasts, stepping away from everyday pressures and immersing yourself in a supportive environment can make it easier to break old patterns and establish new ones. However, most people cannot simply escape their usual environment and disconnect from the world. We rely on the internet for work, communication and everyday life, and many of the behaviors we’re trying to change are deeply woven into our daily routines.

Completely cutting everything out at once can therefore be difficult to maintain, especially when stress, responsibilities and familiar triggers remain part of everyday life. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t quit a behavior completely if that’s what you need. Rather, it’s important to recognize that trying to change everything simultaneously isn’t always the most sustainable approach. The goal of NoNumb is to build a lifestyle that allows you to break the cycle and sustain that change over time.

Should I tell my partner or family, and if so, how?

Addictive behaviors often thrive in secrecy, and keeping them hidden can make recovery more difficult. Through my work with people struggling with various behavioral addictions, from compulsive shopping to sex addiction, I have seen how isolation can make it harder to break free from these patterns. That said, you don’t necessarily have to tell everyone about your struggles. Many people make meaningful progress privately, without their family or friends ever knowing. However, having someone you trust who understands what you’re going through can make the recovery process less lonely and provide valuable support along the way. If your behavior has affected your partner or family, particularly through gambling, financial losses or broken agreements around pornography, honesty may also be an important part of rebuilding trust.

Why doesn’t NoNumb recommend blockers?

A blocker steps in at the very last second, a long way from where the problem actually starts, and getting around it can quickly become part of the ritual. Blockers aren’t evil, they’re just not where the focus should go, which is why NoNumb points you elsewhere.

Why aren’t there separate plans for every situation?

This is another good question. It can seem as if each stage deserves its own plan, one for urges, another for a change of mindset and another for a spiral, but the more plans you have, the harder they are to remember in the exact moment you need them. That’s why the Emergency Protocol asks for one simple, practical emergency plan that covers everything, from the first trigger through to a spiral. Each stage has its own short response, but they all live in the same place, so in a bad moment there is only ever one thing to reach for.

What does tapas really mean?

Tapas is an ancient Sanskrit word meaning heat. The yogis of ancient India used it for the burning discomfort of staying with a practice instead of escaping it. In NoNumb, it describes the burning pull of an urge that we feel but don’t act upon. Ideas this old often turn up again in modern psychology. Tapas, for instance, sits very close to what researchers have found about meeting cravings with curiosity rather than fighting them.

Hopefully that has answered some of the questions on your mind. If a few doubts still linger, that’s perfectly normal. Give the framework a try in your own life, and let your log show you how it’s working.

07

Circles

Whether you’re in the loop or loving someone who is, nobody should do this alone. For most of my years in the loop I was alone with it, keeping everyone at arm’s length so they wouldn’t see what I’d become, and the isolation fed the addiction. A circle is a small group of people who meet regularly to work through ROOT together. It might be 2 friends over coffee or a few people on a video call. Nobody needs to be an expert, just willing to show up and be honest.

It helps because shame thrives in secrecy and shrinks when it’s said out loud to people who understand, and peer support is among the best-studied approaches in addiction recovery. [26] A circle also keeps your weekly review going, because people are expecting you.

Peer support
27studies
10,565participants
2020Cochrane review
Programs built around peer support groups led to higher rates of continuous abstinence than established treatments such as CBT.
Kelly, Humphreys and Ferri (reference 26)

Starting one is easy. Find 2 to 6 people who are trying to overcome an addiction and agree on the same day and hour each week, in person or online. An hour is usually enough, with the hosting role passing around.

How a circle meets
  1. Each person reads their 3 qualities.
  2. Take turns sharing your week: your ratings, a pattern from your log, and the one change you’ve chosen.
  3. Each person says their one change out loud.
A few simple agreements
  • What’s said in the circle stays in the circle
  • Slips are shared as information, never judged
  • Nobody counts days
  • We listen more than we advise
  • We speak about our own experience

We came into the loop alone, but we don’t have to come out of it that way. Circle round, find common ground.

08

Dreams and the shadow

Now for something a little different. Through the years I was deepest in the pattern, I dreamed about predators: crocodiles sitting still in dark water, things that waited rather than chased. It took me a long time to work out that the predator was the addiction. The loop never really chased me either. It waited just beneath the surface until I came close enough.

Later I found that the Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung had explored this long before me. He treated dreams as messages from parts of the mind we can’t reach directly, and argued that whatever we refuse to acknowledge comes back as a figure, an animal or an adversary. He called these hidden parts of ourselves the shadow. In 1961 he wrote to Bill Wilson, the co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous, describing a patient’s craving for alcohol as “the equivalent, on a low level, of the spiritual thirst of our being for wholeness,” and summed up the remedy in 3 Latin words: spiritus contra spiritum, spirit against spirits. [25] In his view, the craving and the longing were the same drive pointed at the wrong thing. The addiction offers a cheap imitation of feeling whole, and the great return is the real thing.

Another dream kept coming back. For years I dreamed about women who were angry with me, or who I couldn’t get close to however hard I tried, and I would wake up unsettled. Jung called the feminine side of a man’s mind the anima (in a woman, the masculine side is the animus): the part of us that holds feeling, tenderness and the ability to look after ourselves. Like a lot of men, I had come to see my softer, more caring side as weak, and the loop had been offering a poor imitation of the care I wasn’t giving myself. The women in my dreams were the part of me I had pushed away.

The practical value is recognition. A recurring dream that leaves you uneasy is information, and it often arrives before you’re willing to admit something has started to slip. If the same figure keeps appearing, note it under repeating patterns in your weekly review, along with what was going on that week. This is the speculative part of the paper, and dreams aren’t a diagnosis. But the beast beneath the deep draws its power from staying hidden, and once we name it, it becomes one more piece of information we can work with.

09

Scope

NoNumb is built to be run by the person doing it, and it works alongside whatever else is already in place. If you are seeing a therapist, counselor, doctor or support group, keep going. ROOT gives that work daily structure between sessions, which is usually where progress is won or lost.

Behavioral addiction often sits alongside depression, anxiety, ADHD and trauma. Where that is the case, treat the underlying condition in its own right as well, because working the surface pattern while leaving what drives it untouched produces progress that doesn’t hold.

If you are in crisis, or you have thoughts of harming yourself, that needs help now rather than a framework. The resources at the end of this paper set out where to go.

10

The conclusion

Taken together, the evidence, the sources cited here and the lived experience behind them point to the same conclusion: behavioral addictions are not a collection of separate problems but one pattern wearing different clothes, and they respond to being taken apart rather than resisted.

What fails, and what NoNumb does instead
What tends to failWhat NoNumb does instead
Intervening at the moment of useWorks on identity before behavior
Removing behaviors without replacing what they providedBuilds the lifestyle before removing anything
Suppressing urges without retraining themRetrains the response to the trigger
Treating each addiction as a separate problemWorks on the shared loop, one addiction at a time
Measuring progress so one slip becomes a collapseReviews weekly, so drift is caught while it’s still small

The framework is free to use, adapt and pass on, and free tools, templates and trackers are available at NoNumb.org and jamiefitzjohn.com. If it helps you, give it to someone else who is stuck in the same loop.

Welcome to the Returners.

NoNumb: The Addiction Recovery Workbook
The book

NoNumb: The Addiction Recovery Workbook

Every principle in this paper, step by step, with real examples and over 70 pages of worksheets and trackers.

Amazon USAmazon UK
11

Glossary

The words below are used throughout this paper and across the wider NoNumb material.

The inner mirror
Looking inward at what the behavior is covering and dealing with it, rather than numbing it. The work of Inner Healing.
Identity fasting
Stripping out the labels that aren’t actually you, so the behavior stops being treated as a permanent trait. The work of True Identity.
Default plan
Your mapped-out day, with times, actions and one intention for each phase. The version of your life you return to by default, and adjust whenever something goes wrong.
Tapas
The heat of the desire, felt and sat with rather than obeyed or fought. The word is borrowed from the yogic tradition, where it means the discipline of staying with heat rather than escaping it.
The great return
Coming back to the person who was there before the addiction took over, rather than becoming someone new. What the long-term vision is pointed at.
Circle
A small group of people who meet regularly to work through ROOT together, in person or online.
Returners
People working the framework. The name describes what someone is doing rather than what they are, which is the same principle that runs through True Identity.
Loopers
Anyone who hasn’t started, or who is inside the pattern without a system. A description of a position rather than a type of person, and one that every Returner occupied first.
12

The evidence

Some of the research cited comes from substance addiction. It is included where the mechanism it describes, such as shame, stress or relapse, is shared with behavioral addictions.

Key numbers at a glance
StudySampleFinding
Alimoradi et al. 202294 studies, 237,657 people11.1% prevalence of behavioral addiction
Gao, Wang and Dong 2022155 studies9.9% of adolescents and young adults with gaming disorder
Karlsson and Håkansson 20182,099 peopleSuicide mortality 15× the general population
Håkansson and Komzia 2023Nationwide self-exclusion survey49% gambled despite self-exclusion
Wang, Hagger and Chatzisarantis 202031 studiesThe thought-suppression rebound is consistent
Rise, Sheeran and Hukkelberg 201040 tests, 11,607 peopleSelf-identity predicts behavior
Randles and Tracy 2013105 peopleShame predicted relapse, guilt did not
Schulz et al. 2014Two-year randomized trialOne change at a time beat all at once
Gollwitzer and Sheeran 200694 tests, 8,000+ peopleIf-then plans: d = 0.65
Harkin et al. 2016138 studies, 19,951 peopleMonitoring progress: d = 0.40
King 20014 sessions of 20 minutesBetter well-being, fewer illnesses
Kelly, Humphreys and Ferri 202027 studies, 10,565 peoplePeer support: more continuous abstinence
Select a study to jump to its full reference.

The research behind the paper

A components model of addiction (Griffiths, 2005). All addictions, including many that don’t involve a drug, share the same components: salience, mood modification, tolerance, withdrawal, conflict and relapse. [2]

Expert input

Maté, G. (2008)
In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts

Addictive behaviors are attempts to soothe emotional pain, chronic stress and unmet needs: “not why the addiction, but why the pain?”

Supports: Remember
Clear, J. (2018)
Atomic Habits

Durable change is identity-based. Each repetition is evidence for the kind of person you believe you are.

Supports: True Identity
Duhigg, C. (2012)
The Power of Habit

Keep the cue and the reward, and substitute a new routine between them. Suppression fails where substitution works.

Supports: Neural Retraining
Wood, W. (2019)
Good Habits, Bad Habits

Roughly 43 percent of daily behavior is automatic. People with apparently high self-control mostly have low-friction environments.

Supports: Daily Structure, Avoidable Exposure
Brewer, J. (2017)
The Craving Mind

Meeting an urge with curiosity weakens it, while fighting it feeds it.

Supports: Inner Acceptance
Fogg, B. J. (2019)
Tiny Habits

Make the new behavior small and easy rather than relying on motivation, which fluctuates.

Supports: New Foundations
Marlatt, G. A. and Gordon, J. R. (1985)
Relapse Prevention

The founding text on the lapse and relapse distinction, and the abstinence violation effect.

Supports: Slip Distinction, Emergency Protocol
McGonigal, K. (2011)
The Willpower Instinct

A small lapse becomes a larger collapse through self-criticism. Self-compassion recovers better than guilt.

Supports: Slip Distinction
Alter, A. (2017)
Irresistible

Products are engineered for compulsive use, including the removal of natural stopping cues.

Supports: The problem
Schüll, N. D. (2012)
Addiction by Design

Speed, solitude and continuous play are engineered to extend time on device.

Supports: The problem
13

References

The main studies behind the principles in this paper, with the sections they support.

  1. 1American Psychiatric Association (2013). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5). American Psychiatric Publishing. Moved gambling disorder into the chapter on substance-related and addictive disorders, making it the only behavioral addiction classified alongside the substance addictions. Supports: The problem
  2. 2Griffiths, M. (2005). A “components” model of addiction within a biopsychosocial framework. Journal of Substance Use, 10(4), 191 to 197. Argues that all addictions, including those not involving a substance, share the same core components: salience, mood modification, tolerance, withdrawal, conflict and relapse. researchgate.net/publication/232089655 Supports: The problem, Universal Mechanism, Doubts, laid out
  3. 3World Health Organization (2019). International Classification of Diseases, 11th Revision (ICD-11). Adopted by the World Health Assembly in May 2019, the revision added gaming disorder as a recognized diagnosis. who.int/news-room/questions-and-answers/item/addictive-behaviours-gaming-disorder. Supports: The problem
  4. 4Håkansson, A. and Komzia, N. (2023). Self-exclusion and breaching of self-exclusion from gambling: a repeated survey study on the development of a nationwide self-exclusion service. Harm Reduction Journal, 20, 107. Found that 49 percent of self-excluded gamblers had gambled despite their self-exclusion, most often at online casinos, and flagged the risk of gambling on overseas sites outside the national system. link.springer.com/article/10.1186/s12954-023-00822-w Supports: The problem, Internal Control
  5. 5Larimer, M. E., Palmer, R. S. and Marlatt, G. A. (1999). Relapse prevention: an overview of Marlatt’s cognitive-behavioral model. Alcohol Research and Health, 23(2), 151 to 160. Sets out lifestyle imbalance as a hidden forerunner of relapse, and the abstinence violation effect, where treating one lapse as total failure is what turns it into a full relapse. pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6760427 Supports: The problem, Daily Structure, Lifestyle Metrics, Slip Distinction
  6. 6Wang, D., Hagger, M. S. and Chatzisarantis, N. L. D. (2020). Ironic effects of thought suppression: a meta-analysis. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 15(3), 778 to 793. Analyzed 31 studies following the original suppression experiment of Wegner, Schneider, Carter and White (1987) and found the rebound effect to be consistent. researchgate.net/publication/332883543 Supports: The problem, Neural Retraining
  7. 7Alimoradi, Z. et al. (2022). Estimation of behavioral addiction prevalence during COVID-19 pandemic: a systematic review and meta-analysis. Current Addiction Reports, 9(4), 486 to 517. Across 94 studies covering 237,657 people in 40 countries, the overall prevalence of behavioral addiction was 11.1 percent. doi.org/10.1007/s40429-022-00435-6 Supports: The problem
  8. 8Gambling with Lives (2020). Supplementary written evidence (GAM0131) to the House of Lords Select Committee on the Social and Economic Impact of the Gambling Industry. Drawing on studies from the UK, Hong Kong and Sweden, estimates 250 to 650 gambling-related suicides a year in the UK, or 4 to 11 percent of all suicides. committees.parliament.uk/writtenevidence/2093/html Supports: The problem
  9. 9Gao, Y. X., Wang, J. Y. and Dong, G. H. (2022). The prevalence and possible risk factors of internet gaming disorder among adolescents and young adults: systematic reviews and meta-analyses. Journal of Psychiatric Research, 154, 35 to 43. Across 155 studies, internet gaming disorder affected 9.9 percent of adolescents and young adults. doi.org/10.1016/j.jpsychires.2022.06.049 Supports: The problem
  10. 10Karlsson, A. and Håkansson, A. (2018). Gambling disorder, increased mortality, suicidality, and associated comorbidity: a longitudinal nationwide register study. Journal of Behavioral Addictions, 7(4), 1091 to 1099. Among 2,099 people treated for gambling disorder in Sweden, suicide mortality was 15 times higher than in the general population, and suicide was the leading cause of death. doi.org/10.1556/2006.7.2018.112 Supports: The problem
  11. 11Murphy, J. G. et al. (2026). A behavioral economics substance-free activity session (SFAS) approach to reducing substance use: narrative review and intervention manual. Experimental and Clinical Psychopharmacology, 34(3), 305 to 317. Reviews laboratory and clinical evidence that increasing access to enjoyable alternative rewards reduces use, and that frequent use lowers sensitivity to everyday rewards, a pattern known as reinforcer pathology. pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC12970588 Supports: The problem, New Foundations
  12. 12Salway, R. et al. (2023). Screen-viewing behaviours of children before and after the 2020–21 COVID-19 lockdowns in the UK: a mixed methods study. BMC Public Health, 23, 116. Among 10- to 11-year-olds in the Bristol area, leisure screen-viewing was still higher after the lockdowns than before the pandemic, by about 11 percent on weekdays and 8 percent on weekends. doi.org/10.1186/s12889-023-14976-6 Supports: The problem
  13. 13Stefanovics, E. A., Zhai, Z. W. and Potenza, M. N. (2025). Gambling in Connecticut adolescents: prevalence, socio-demographic characteristics, trauma exposure, suicidality, and other risk behaviors. PLoS ONE, 20(2), e0290589. Based on the 2019 Connecticut Youth Risk Behavior Survey, 25.4 percent of 1,807 high school students had gambled in the past year. pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11798454 Supports: The problem
  14. 14Ofcom (2025). Online Nation 2025. UK adults spend an average of 4 hours 30 minutes online a day, mostly on smartphones, rising to 6 hours 20 minutes for 18- to 24-year-olds. ofcom.org.uk. Supports: The problem
  15. 15Vieira, J. L. et al. (2023). Who makes in-play bets? Investigating the demographics, psychological characteristics, and gambling-related harms of in-play sports bettors. Journal of Behavioral Addictions, 12(2), 547 to 556. In-play bettors reported higher problem gambling severity and greater harms than other sports bettors. pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37335776 Supports: The problem
  16. 16Rise, J., Sheeran, P. and Hukkelberg, S. (2010). The role of self-identity in the Theory of Planned Behavior: a meta-analysis. Journal of Applied Social Psychology, 40(5), 1085 to 1105. Pooled 40 independent tests covering 11,607 participants and found that self-identity predicts intention, and through intention, behavior. onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1559-1816.2010.00611.x Supports: True Identity
  17. 17Randles, D. and Tracy, J. L. (2013). Nonverbal displays of shame predict relapse and declining health in recovering alcoholics. Clinical Psychological Science, 1(2), 149 to 155. In 105 newly sober participants, shame predicted relapse, relapse severity and declining health, while guilt did not. journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/2167702612470645 Supports: Inner Healing
  18. 18Berridge, K. C. and Robinson, T. E. (2016). Liking, wanting, and the incentive-sensitization theory of addiction. American Psychologist, 71(8), 670 to 679. Shows that dopamine drives wanting a reward, not the pleasure of it. doi.org/10.1037/amp0000059 Supports: Universal Mechanism
  19. 19Duckworth, A. L., Milkman, K. L. and Laibson, D. (2018). Beyond willpower: strategies for reducing failures of self-control. Psychological Science in the Public Interest, 19(3), 102 to 129. Reviews evidence that changing the situation, including removing temptations from view, works better than relying on willpower. pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30760176 Supports: Avoidable Exposure
  20. 20Sinha, R. (2008). Chronic stress, drug use, and vulnerability to addiction. Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences, 1141, 105 to 130. Reviews evidence that exposure to stress raises both the risk of developing an addiction and the risk of relapse. pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2732004 Supports: Lifestyle Priority, Emergency Protocol
  21. 21Schulz, D. N. et al. (2014). Effects of a web-based tailored multiple-lifestyle intervention for adults: a two-year randomized controlled trial comparing sequential and simultaneous delivery modes. Journal of Medical Internet Research, 16(1), e26. The sequential approach produced significantly more smoking abstinence than the simultaneous one at 12 and 24 months. doi.org/10.2196/jmir.3094 Supports: Sequential Removal
  22. 22Gollwitzer, P. M. and Sheeran, P. (2006). Implementation intentions and goal achievement: a meta-analysis of effects and processes. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 38, 69 to 119. Across 94 independent tests with more than 8,000 participants, plans linking a specific cue to a specific response had a medium to large effect on reaching goals (d = 0.65), including protecting an ongoing effort from unwanted influences. doi.org/10.1016/S0065-2601(06)38002-1 Supports: Neural Retraining
  23. 23Harkin, B. et al. (2016). Does monitoring goal progress promote goal attainment? A meta-analysis of the experimental evidence. Psychological Bulletin, 142(2), 198 to 229. Across 138 randomized studies covering 19,951 participants, prompting people to monitor their progress more often helped them reach their goals (d = 0.40), with larger effects when progress was physically recorded. pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26479070 Supports: Data Tracking, Weekly Review
  24. 24King, L. A. (2001). The health benefits of writing about life goals. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 27(7), 798 to 807. Students who spent 20 minutes on each of four days writing about their best possible future self, the life they would have if everything went as well as it could, reported greater well-being afterward and fewer illnesses five months later than a control group. doi.org/10.1177/0146167201277003 Supports: Long-Term Vision
  25. 25Jung, C. G. (1961). Letter to William G. Wilson, January 30, 1961. Written to the co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous, the letter describes a patient’s craving for alcohol as a misdirected form of a deeper need, and gives the formula spiritus contra spiritum. First published in the AA Grapevine with the permission of the Foundation of the Works of C. G. Jung. aaforagnostics.com/blog/carl-jung-letter-to-bill-wilson Supports: Dreams and the shadow
  26. 26Kelly, J. F., Humphreys, K. and Ferri, M. (2020). Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12-step programs for alcohol use disorder. Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews, 2020(3), CD012880. Across 27 studies and 10,565 participants, peer-support-based programs produced higher rates of continuous abstinence than other established treatments. doi.org/10.1002/14651858.CD012880.pub2 Supports: Circles
14

Crisis resources

The services below are for behavioral addictions and for immediate mental health risk. They are free unless stated otherwise. If you are dealing with alcohol or drugs as well, tell whoever you speak to, because withdrawal from some substances needs medical supervision.

If you are in immediate danger or thinking of harming yourself

  • United Kingdom and Ireland: Samaritans, 116 123, 24 hours a day
  • United States and Canada: 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, call or text 988
  • Australia: Lifeline, 13 11 14, 24 hours a day
  • Anywhere else: contact your local emergency number or nearest emergency room

Gambling

  • United Kingdom: National Gambling Helpline (GamCare), 0808 8020 133, 24 hours a day, gamcare.org.uk
  • United Kingdom: GambleAware, advice and self-assessment tools, gambleaware.org
  • United States: National Problem Gambling Helpline, 1-800-GAMBLER, 24 hours a day, ncpgambling.org
  • Australia: Gambling Help Online, gamblinghelponline.org.au
  • Worldwide: Gamblers Anonymous, in-person and online meetings, gamblersanonymous.org

Gaming, phones and internet use

  • Gaming Addicts Anonymous, free online meetings, gamingaddictsanonymous.org
  • Internet and Technology Addicts Anonymous, covering social media, phones, streaming and pornography, internetaddictsanonymous.org

Other behaviors

  • Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, slaafws.org
  • Overeaters Anonymous, for compulsive eating, oa.org
  • Debtors Anonymous, for compulsive spending and debt, debtorsanonymous.org

If you are worried about someone else

  • Gam-Anon, for family and friends affected by someone’s gambling, gam-anon.org

Your own doctor is also a reasonable first call, both for a referral and for anything physical that has come with the behavior, including sleep loss and eating patterns.

NoNumb, by Jamie Fitzjohn. Free to use, adapt and pass on.

Need help now? UK and Ireland: Samaritans 116 123 · US and Canada: call or text 988 · Australia: Lifeline 13 11 14 NoNumb, by Jamie Fitzjohn · Back to top
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